Life Lessons

Well folks, there’s no doubt that the fall weather is here in PA. The average highs are starting to drop into the 50s and low 60s. Today is gray and rainy – the kind of weather that makes you want to snuggle under a blanket on the couch and watch SportsCenter (no? just me?) with your cup of coffee. The Texans and my fantasy football team are both having dismal seasons with a desperate need for a turnaround, but the Aggies pulled a big Win after a nail biter on Saturday against Tennessee. I may have lost a few friends while watching the game this weekend since they’ve now seen that I am a highly emotional fan and they probably now have serious concerns about my mental health. Mitch was the only one who had the courage to actually say out loud that I should probably calm down since I have a little life depending on me (I’m sure everyone else was thinking it too, but semi-afraid to approach me during double OT). Not to worry, baby let me know during the whole game that he/she is ok, giving me kicks and punches and I’m sure a few Gig ‘Ems thrown in there. I was really hoping that baby would help me to realize that football is just football and when the Ags play on Saturday, it’s just another day in the week, but no such luck so far. My emotions are still tied to that win or loss on the scoreboard and my anxiety sky rockets again by the time next weekend’s game rolls around. Such is the life of an Aggie fan – let me tell you, friends, it’s rough. Although football (unfortunately) doesn’t fall on this list, Baby has already taught me so much about this sweet life of ours.

Love and Acceptance – My biggest prayer for our babe is of course for health and successful surgery, but a very close second on that list is love and acceptance. I hope that friends, acquaintances, even passersby will treat our child (who will someday be an adult) with acceptance, patience and kindness. In turn, this has made me reevaluate how I treat others, disability or not. I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t always know how to act around those with special needs. I have this underlying discomfort (fear) that I’ll be too nice or overly accommodating and therefore be acting differently than I would in any other situation or with a typical person. How sad for me! That I’m normally not that nice to people I come in contact with in my daily interactions. This has been a huge eye opener for me. Here I am – moving through life without thinking too much or challenging myself – and one of the few times I stop to think about how I’m treating others is when I come across someone who’s different than me. What a blessing they’ve given me, since I’m now forced to look inward at how I treat not only them, but everyone.

Let me give you an example – there’s a checker at our local grocery store who has Down syndrome. Previously, I paid no attention to which aisle I chose other than selecting the shortest one. More times than not, I’ll opt for the self-check line to avoid human interaction altogether. (I am really making myself sound like a winner in this post, huh?) After noticing on a recent visit that one particular aisle had a checker with Down syndrome, I walked directly to her conveyor belt to start unloading. Selfishly, I now seek interaction and observation of adults with special needs. It gives me hope in realizing that these adults can and do have fully enriched lives, are contributing members to our economy, and sustain social relationships no differently than you or I. I also feel like I’m now part of a secret “club” and this poor lady was probably wondering why I was awkwardly smiling at her while she dutifully rang all of my groceries. I’d love to say I struck up a meaningful conversation, but there wasn’t much more to discuss past the usual “paper or plastic?” (because Lord knows I left my reusable bags at home… AGAIN). Despite our quick exchange, I left feeling stupidly proud of myself that I’d lost the fear of such an interaction. In reality, I should have thanked her (and Baby V) for giving me this gift – to realize that I should be treating everyone with love, acceptance, and kindness – even if it is just a brief smile on your grocery store run.

Appreciation for the little things – About an hour before every doctor appointment, the “pre-game” nerves start to kick in for me. Every month, we see three different doctors – my OB/GYN who continues to monitor my health, the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor who monitors all things Down syndrome, and the Cardiologist who monitors baby’s heart. With every visit, there’s of course a chance that any one of the above doctors discovers a(nother) health complication for either me or the baby. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think that I would have appreciated my health and baby’s health as much if I’d had a typical pregnancy. I remember calling my dad after our first maternal fetal appointment (the first we had after the test results/diagnosis) to tell him that they didn’t identify any additional markers for Down syndrome. I was ecstatic! We laughed together on the phone at what a silly thing most of us take for granted: that the majority of us don’t face any major health complications on a day-to-day basis. So far, baby’s health looks good outside of the heart condition, which is such wonderful news! That doesn’t mean we are in the clear for ALL health concerns, but the doctors currently have us cleared for other health issues that can be identified on an ultrasound in-utero. Each time we receive a clean-ish bill of health, I do a little victory dance with baby along with many, many prayers of thanksgiving.

Everyone has struggles – This little one’s extra chromosome has opened my eyes to a whole new world of mommies and daddies who experience struggles very similar to ours. My biggest consolation this far has been reading and hearing from other moms who’ve traveled down this special path. Shortly after receiving our babe’s news, I fell into the rabbit hole of social media and discovered a whole world (the “secret club” I referred to above) of support from groups of ladies I’ve never met. I found instagrams, facebook pages, articles and books all chronicling unique journeys of precious babes, but all having an underlying tone of joy and hope. Some of these journeys include very tough roads, everything from multiple surgeries to cancer, but those parts of their journeys are never the focus. The focus is on the love shared and all the wonderful things to celebrate about their lives. My family and I have also heard from countless others who have their own crosses to bear and who can, in many ways, share our pain but who choose to celebrate life! We all have our own personal sufferings – none greater or worse than the next, but what a reminder for us to be kind to each other since we all have this common thread. I’m reminded of St. Lawrence (read his story here), who after being sentenced to death by being tied to a grill over a fire, was so full of love that he joked to the overseeing judge “Turn me over – I’m done on this side!”

Life is full of little joys if you look in the right places! Enjoy your weekend – lucky for me, Aggies have a bye week so my heart gets a rest this Saturday.