Well, as y’all have probably heard – we’ve started chapter two on this little family path with the birth of our sweet boy Henry F Vowler on March 4, 2019. It’s funny how it seems like he’s been in our earthly world forever and yet he just arrived three months ago! As anyone who’s travelled the newborn phase will tell you, the first couple months are basically this blur of sleepless nights and sorting out life during the day. Luckily we’ve had plenty of help and we’re now settled into a bit more of a routine. The second baby really is easier, y’all. I realize Regan had some special circumstances that made the newborn phase more challenging but it felt like we jumped right back into it once Hank made his world debut. He’s a big boy (was almost 9lbs at birth), loves to eat, and is full of smiles and coos these days. Regan is the most precious big sister (though she’s had her moments of “testing the waters”). She loves, kisses and hugs on Hank and “helps” Hank with tummy time by not-so-gently rolling him onto his tummy and back again. Having Hank has instilled in me the realization that we now have this huge responsibility of raising a kind, gentle and strong man.
I mentioned in previous posts that the first several months with Regan were tough (for obvious reasons), but one of the toughest parts had nothing to do with her heart condition nor Down syndrome diagnosis. Mitch and I faced our first big marriage challenge after she was born – we each had to learn our roles as parents which is no easy feat. After a baby is born, there is so much focus on the baby and mom that we often forget about the roles of Dad. Mitch and I both struggled with this. I struggled to ask for help and articulate what that help looked like, and Mitch struggled to find his place in this new parenting role. He threw himself into work, a place he found success and he felt he was most effectively supporting his family. This left me feeling alone, and yet I still struggled to communicate that to the person I love the most. Mitch’s and my relationship is a true partnership and we both felt abandoned by the other. [I had started working with Mitch before Regan was born and because she arrived 4 weeks early, he had a mountain of work left undone by me.] We each ran to our corners of comfort (my role as mother, his role as provider), and our relationship suffered because of it. Once we were able to see through the fog, we reflected on this time and vowed not to make the same mistakes again. There is a pearl of wisdom I learned from the priest who married us – avoid holding onto “unexpressed expectations.” In that time of suffering we each held onto unexpressed expectations.
Our relationship has grown in the two years since then, and I wish words could capture the relationship Mitch has with our babies. He is hands-down Regan’s favorite person right now, and she’s an endless flow of chatter when he gets home from work. When I get her from her room in the morning, she typically refuses to come to me and signs “Daddy” when I try to pick her up. If Mitch runs upstairs, she’ll wait at the bottom behind the baby gate and yell “DAAAAAAAAAAA” until he comes back. Mitch is my support system when Hank has a rough night (though he has this magical power to sleep through all baby cries – HOW??). It’s not unusual for him to work 10-12-hour days and yet he happily comes home and does the evening/nighttime routine with me without complaint.
Those new days as a Daddy can be tough, but there’s no one who’s a better Daddy to our babies than him. He’s strong and gentle and he’s raising a little girl to be a strong Texas woman and PA proud. He has a little boy who’s learning to grow a thick skin (Regan can be a rough friend sometimes), and who will undoubtedly love with his whole heart the way his daddy does. He’s my partner in life, and he deserves all the praises this Father’s Day.
There’s another man who taught me the role of a Daddy and taught me the things to expect from the father of my children. Those of you who know my dad know him is a gentle soul, full of love for his family and if you listen closely enough, you’ll catch his quippy humor that’ll have you in stitches. What you may not know is that he serves as the priest of our family, leading as the best example of God’s love and mercy. His faith guides every decision from his choice of words (he NEVER cusses) to his compassionate treatment of others. My dad wasn’t the best with discipline (sorry, Daddy). He was notorious for coming in to correct our behavior and immediately develop a smirk and we would all end up in a fit of giggles. He always said the only thing worse than a mad kid is a happy kid (that’s usually when we caused the most damage). Thank you for laughing with us when we were the worst. I have him to thank for being my guiding light – he’s the truest example of a father’s unconditional love. Thank you, Papi. We all love you so much!
Happy Father’s Day to all the Daddies, no matter which stage of Daddy you’re in. Know that your love is always felt by your babies. We love y’all!
