Middle Child Syndrome

Hank let me rock him to sleep last night. Not just the typical books and prayers, then bed, but a full head on my chest, falling asleep as I hummed the tune to the “Hail Mary, full of grace” hymn (my go-to lullaby since Regan was born.) I hummed and watched his tiny chubby fingers fiddle with his favorite blankie, scrunching it up and pulling it to his precious cheek – the same way I do right before I fall asleep each night. His eyelids get heavier with each rock, but I can’t bring myself to get up and put him in his bed. I know these nights are numbered.

Hank turned 2 this week! He has become such a big boy and I’m so proud of the way he’s growing up. Mitch and I often joke we have one child with each parent’s personality: Regan is a busybody, prefers a full meal (salad, included please), is persistent beyond belief, and would choose going for a car ride / adventure over shows any day. Hank could watch TV all day, wears his emotions on his sleeve, would choose a thousand snacks over an actual meal, and it’s not uncommon for him to sleep until well past 8AM when given the option. Hank is my child through and through. I’ve always felt he’s a bit of an old soul, but he’s also the very typical pesky brother.

Once I started to wrap my mind around what may lie ahead for baby 3 and our family, my heart immediately went to Hank. He’ll be the middle child to two very special siblings, but I don’t want him to feel any less special because of that. He’ll already suffer from middle child syndrome, after all. Those of you in families with 3 or more siblings know what I’m talking about – the middle child is notorious for keeping score, carefully tallying what each kid has received to ensure she wasn’t somehow shorted. I say “she” as an example only, of course.

In all reality, there has always been a part of me that was happily envious of my sister, BB – the middle child. She had this unique position in our lineup to have very close relationships with my oldest brother, Dan, and with the youngest, me. She was (ok, IS) the one who keeps us in order when we’re all together. She is just the right mix of oldest and youngest sibling – organized and planner-oriented, and also freely giving with her love; she’s the first person each of us calls when we need some sound advice. Her middle child syndrome is part of what contributes to her love language, acts of service. She is thoughtful and compassionate, and all of that is because she served as the balance between Dan and me. She is a guiding light, and I hope Hank can serve our family the same way BB served us.

My heart ached a bit for Hank at the beginning of all this. He didn’t CHOOSE to have siblings with special needs, after all. In the near future he won’t know any different, but eventually he’s going to know our family is different from most. I pray he can appreciate all the beautiful differences the same way we hope to live and embrace those differences today. Whether he chooses or not, his two siblings will shape him the same way Regan and he have already molded my heart anew. I hope he knows he has changed my life just as much as his two siblings. He is unique and special and sensitive in all the right ways, and I hope his middle child syndrome only continues to support those personality traits.

In the meantime, I’ll keep giving him milk in a bottle because he loves it and I hope he never stops saying, “Mommy holds you??” every time he wants to be held. I’ll hold you as long as I’m able, my sweet boy! Happy Birthday, Hank!