The Missed Miracles

I’ve spent a lot of time praying lately, specifically praying for miracles. Miracles for myself, for my family, for this sweet baby, for friends I’ve known for years and friends I’ve made via social media. I’ve seen what feels like a lot of suffering over the past year – I imagine you’re reading this and nodding your head, too. It can be easy to succumb to the heaviness of it all and wondering why God hasn’t granted us “just this one” miracle. To be fair, I can think of about five BIG miracles I’ve asked for in the past nine months so I wasn’t really asking for “just the one.”

I’ve heard it said that God gives three potential answers to our requests: Yes, Not Yet, or I have something better in store for you. Here’s the thing – the ‘not yet’ or ‘I have something better’ still leave us yearning for that feeling of instant gratification, but the not yet and somethings better may be waiting for us on the other side of eternity. Phew, what a test of patience amiright.

But what about the in-betweens? Have you ever heard that Albert Einstein quote about miracles:

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

What if we’re being granted miracles beyond our knowledge or understanding? This pregnancy has been a rough road. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions from the beginning, and I found myself wondering if there have been hidden miracles I’ve missed because I’m so focused on the big ones.

The first Maternal Fetal Medicine doc we saw reminded us following our “abnormal” NIPT screen (the test that screens for chromosomal changes) that it’s GREAT when we get a prenatal diagnosis. The benefits of parental education and early intervention for these babes is even beyond our current medicinal understanding. Babies’ brains are tiny sponges and now we have the ability to maximize those precious first few years to help this baby develop and learn in all the most beneficial ways.  Without the NIPT screen, it’s very likely we wouldn’t have a diagnosis for this babe until later in life – and now we have the miracle of knowledge and understanding and preparing our hearts for another chromsomally enhanced babe.

Without the NIPT screen, I likely wouldn’t have had as many (many, many, many) ultrasounds. This is how we discovered I also have vasa previa. This is another rare pregnancy complication (completely unrelated to chromosomal changes.) I’ll give y’all a very brief explanation – the baby’s umbilical cord is attached at the very edge of the placenta. This leaves a little too much extra slack on the cord. The cord is now hanging/stuck between the cervix and the baby’s head. The problem with this is – IF I go into labor on my own, the vessels in the umbilical cord will rupture resulting in immediate loss of blood flow, blood loss to the baby. It is highly life threatening to the baby if I go into labor on my own. So that leads us to where we are today: I’m in the hospital literally steps away from the OR in the event that I start showing any signs of labor. Assuming everything remains safe and cozy and baby continues to grow, we will deliver baby at 35 weeks. Since it’s too risky for me to go into labor, I will not go any later than 35 weeks. It is a miracle for which I am so grateful that we KNOW this and we are now doing everything in our power to protect this babe.

One of the concerns with any placenta issue (like the one I have) is that the baby could develop IUGR – intrauterine growth restriction. It is exactly as it sounds – the baby loses its ability to grow appropriately because of various issues with the placenta. Our babe was measuring a bit on the small side (around the 10-15%ile) where he/she was starting to border on IUGR diagnosis. This in combination with the knowledge that baby will be born early was starting to get scary. And then BOOM at the last growth scan, baby measured in the 30%ile. After everything through this pregnancy, this miracle was not lost on me. We continue to pray for a big healthy 35-week baby!

I still pray for the big miracles – healing of any major health complications for this baby, healing of baby’s chromosomal challenges, safe and healthy delivery at 35 weeks to a big baby, we are praying for no lung/breathing issues (due to early delivery), no feeding issues, and a big prayer for no necessary NICU time. Our hearts are open to all the answers we’ll receive, and in the in-between time we’ll give thanks for the miracles we may have otherwise missed along the way.